1st Birthday and Fathers Day

Luckily it's 4 am and I'm really tired after my gig so this will be shorter than I had anticipated. 

Today is the first Fathers Day and Birthday with Dad in Heaven. As I learned with Talia, there are always firsts even now. 

I have been doing alright with Pops' transition to Heaven. I have a few theories. One, I did so much grieving with Talia, I'm grieved out! Two, while never ready, with a parent it's a little more logical I guess for lack of better term. Three, I was so happy to see him stop suffering from the pain all the time. Four, I had done so much studying after Talia's passing on Heaven I'm almost jealous! 

With that being said, yes I miss him. We talked every single day for like the last 3-4 years. I still go to call him especially when I travel as he always wanted me to check in and let him know I made it.  Going through these pictures, we ended up doing a lot of traveling together. When he retired the press asked him what he was going to do. He said the first thing is I hear MI is beautiful in the fall, I'm always on a marching field so I'm going to go do a color tour which me and him did in the UP and it was one of my favorite times traveling with him. 

In High School, Dad obviously was at all my concerts because he was conducting but anything outside of that and most of my professional life he never came to any concerts of mine because he always had his own concerts. The exceptions would be the CMU Jazz Fest because he brought the HS band up. I missed having him at them but understood. When he retired, I remember my first gig after that happened and he was there, and I said, what are you doing here? He said I'm retired now! He was pretty much a mainstay at any public gig I had and of course all the Byron Jazz Concerts. Marc would always have a ticket for him. This last year, I actually went out like I always did after the concert to go greet him because it was hard for him to sit that long because of his various issues which meant even more that he would still come if he could. If he was screaming in pain, he obviously wouldn't and there were a few of those. 

When Talia was dealing with the cancer my dad wanted to come and see her. He was going to lay down in the back of someone's van and make the trip to Lansing. Talia wanted to be prepared for him with questions and her first question was going to be how do you deal with pain?  The meeting never happened because things progressed too quickly if I recall. Even though they could have the discussion now, it's an irrelevant question which I'm so happy about! 

I asked my Dad why he kept going through all the medical stuff and fighting. I told him if I get a hangnail, I'm calling hospice. I'd never do what he did. He said he wanted to see his grandkids grow up.  He was pretty remarkable. He finally gave up the will to fight and it was a very emotional decision for him. He was gone about 12 hours later. I wonder if he still wanted to fight if he'd still be here? It would be an absolutely awful time as hospital visits were starting to be a bi weekly thing. But it also makes me think, had he given up years ago if we would have lost him years ago. 

I also was so moved going through the pictures of how many people loved my Dad and our family. He obviously was a pillar of the community for 40 years but students and parents way past there time with him at school continued to honor him by visits, bringing meals to him, taking him on trips, and of course the Rex's and the lions games. I'm pretty sure they talked every day also or close to it. 

I also think about his Bible Study group he did every Saturday morning at his house. Such commitment and friendship. 

While I miss him and at times do get sad, I mostly am filled with joy. I think one of the greatest days of his life in a weird way, was his celebration of life. First of all he put so much thought into it. He just wanted a couple things from it. He wanted people to know he loved his family and his community and his church but most of all he wanted everyone to know He truly loved God despite all the challenges life threw at him and there were many. 

I love him very much and am so thankful for him but it's almost hard for me to shed any tears not seeing him in pain and knowing he is with his Heavenly Father now and his parents and Talia, and..... I am sad that he missed the birth of Wells Cosby and that he didn't get to see Matthew graduate. He was for sure a proud Papa! 

Happy Heavenly Birthday and Happy Heavenly Fathers Day Dad! 

I've included a couple of media sites including his service. This first one is a podcast my dear friend Keith Hall did with him. 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/real-music-talk-podcast/id1515807120?i=1000539418648