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A house is not a home1/16/2025 Two events in the past week have affected my thoughts on this topic. First the sale of my house and second the CA wildfires. I've sold houses before, and have moved from places of residences many times. There is always a sense of sentiment about the time spent. Even, this summer, I house and cat sat my sisters house for a week and had to say bye to the cat, and the walks I took in the area etc... I had one house I really loved and represented change at that period in my life and was sad to leave that. I loved the house and I loved the hood I was in! The selling of my house last week however, was the most emotional one I have had. It wasn't because I loved the house. It was fine and was happy to have it. Not because I loved the city of Lansing because I didn't at all. But first, it represented when I didn't think I was able to get a house and was looking for apartments and then on a whim just tried to see if I would qualify for a house and I did, the house always represented God's goodness to me. So, when I would complain about something going wrong at the house, I was always quickly refreshed that I had a house and shut up and give thanks! However, the real emotional part was because this is where Talia and I built our life together. I tried to involve Talia as much as I could in the process of looking because she didn't have much say in her last house she lived in and she was still living in AZ. So a lot of facetimes and I was able to show her the house thanks to sister Dori who made a trip to Lansing when Talia was visiting as seen here: The move of my stuff into the house was seamless and went well. However, once Talia's stuff arrived it was for sure an ominous start as the moving company was corrupt and we were robbed by the movers and it was horrible. This was before Talia had arrived. Finally it was time for Talia to move from AZ. We got married in AZ on July 1 and it was 112 degrees that day, but Talia stayed to finish her working out there and getting her house ready to sell. So on September 3, 2017 Talia moved to MI. I had my obligation with MSU at the Detroit Jazz Festival that day and then left to go pick her up at the airport in Detroit and head home to Lansing. The house totally transformed at that moment from a house to a home and I told her that very thing and in typical Talia fashion, not being the sentimental one, her reply was "Oh Brother" LOL but it was very true. Here is that day of arriving behind the little Welcome Home Talia sign I made. For the next almost 5 years, this is where Talia and I called Home. Being an introvert, Talia really called it home as she did not venture out much. I tried to create a little library for her: I knew she loved tulips so I planted those and they would come up each year: I remember Talia's family asking me, how is the city for people like us? I said, well, we live close to an intersection of MLK and Malcolm X, and we are a mile from an intersection that has 4 beauty shops on it. They said Oh, that will be fine! LOL We didn't have a garage, so for our anniversary gift from my Dad he bought us this shed to keep things in. Talia and I put it together, together! I couldn't have done it by myself. I needed some brains. Loved ones came to grace us with their presence at our home and welcomed with our mat which was a house warming gift from a friend: Our fence and gate needed work. My neighbor on the South side helped fix that side, our neighbors on the East side helped fix his side, and my brother Jack came and repaired our gate. This is where we read through the entire Bible together: I wanted our blood families represented : Food became a very interesting thing to me. Talia back in AZ, mainly ate fast food as she worked late and worked an hour from her home, she did not do much cooking but loved her fried fish! I loved to cook and it was fun to introduce her to many dishes. Come summer however, almost all food was done on the grill which was our anniversary gift from my sister Chandy. Making sun tea! Speaking of food, this was a very funny night when I brought home some rice pudding from a restaurant that Talia liked, and when she opened it she said something is in it. My first glance I thought it was a really big spider. We brought it back and we were introduced to star anise We each had our roles at the house. Talia did the laundry and dishes, I did all things outside, mow the lawn, rake the leaves, shovel the driveway. She tried all of those once and never again! LOL We had awesome neighbors to our south. He did many things to help with our house outside and Talia loved some flowers in her yard and when I told her she went and bought us some bulbs for me to plant in ours: Of course a lot of music took place both in listening and playing: Talia being from AZ had to adjust to the cold. I would be complaining about the cold and she was like, you just don't know how to dress right for it, from AZ. Well, she learned quick, "oh" lol Now, I hate the cold! I always have, always will. However, I'm also one of those that would not turn the heat on until November, then kept it way colder than it should have been because I didn't want to pay that much for heat. In hindsight, I wish I would have changed that for her but here are some pictures of her trying to stay warm: This is where we had our anniversaries. Although our 1st one we went to celebrate in Ann Arbor, but ended up in the hospital. We were a less than a month of our 5th anniversary. This was Talia's post on our 4th. There was always some kind of activities happening and then the squirrels! Always in the roof. My Christmas present one year from our friends the Printups was a live squirrel trap which I caught many! Like I said Talia didn't venture out much, but the one spot she did go to was the public library! As I said, I wasn't a fan of Lansing, but Talia didn't mind it. She would actually watch city meetings live-streamed which I thought was hilarious. Matter of fact, I was complaining about something about the city and said how dumb it was and she responded, " Don't be talking about my city like that" LOL Then we added to our family and Mia brought a whole new presence. Talia and Mia became best friends despite her not being thrilled with Mia joining the family at first. Mia would always want to be wherever Talia was! Talia would say, " Mia, personal space please" LOL Then covid happened. Talia was a little worried about me being home everyday with her because she needed some her time! LOL But we did good! I worked harder from home during this some days. The one picture represents one section of a tune that I had to edit for our online concerts we were doing. For one of the concerts, I was up for 3 days straight without going to bed. I also had a beard for a minute. Talia liked, I did not. LOL So many amazing memories, but then Talia's illness came. The house then became a place with a lot of not so great memories, the spot she told me she had a lump, the hours spent on the bathroom floor, the spot I thought I had lost her, then the door of our house that I knew she was going through for the last time. We lived the last month at the hospice facility. I was there 23 hours a day only coming home to shower and feed the cat. This was Mia not wanting me to leave out the door, a same door I had to take her through for her last time when she passed. This is a picture that earthly Talia would never want me to share but I don't think Heavenly Talia cares if I do. One of the hard things for Talia was loosing her hair and finger nails going bad. For me obviously it didn't matter at all. Happened to me a long time ago! LOL But Talia spent a lot of time on her hair, which I learned a lot about despite Talia's efforts to tell me don't worry about it and carry on! LOL Hey, I was buying it! But I remember calling her after a gig as I always did to tell her I was on my way home, and she said, just so you know, my hair was falling out, so I just sped up the process! I was like no problem and she was as beautiful as ever! So many memories. So you can see, why selling this house was emotional, because it was our home, but with Talia and Mia gone, it was just a house, and the last memories I had were of sorrow and lost. It was time. Even the flowers didn't seem to come up as they had. It wasn't a great financial move for me because the payment was way cheap, but it was time. Having to go through so many things no longer needed and knowing none of the things are going with us in the life beyond, makes me want to simplify which is hard for this collector of stuff. So I return the house, empty as I found it, to the new occupant, so they may call it their home. So I have all these thoughts and emotions about selling my house, but everyone in CA didn't choose to leave their house. It was taken from them. All the memories, I just described now happening for thousands of people. I am choosing to simplify. I'm choosing what to keep and what to get rid of, but the people in CA didn't choose, it was chosen for them and it was everything. My heart breaks for so many. I'm indirectly affected by this. Ironically, Talia lived in Altadena for I believe something like 12 years. I've been to her childhood home twice. Once with her and once without. Like so many of my friends, I love to go to their houses they grew up in and it gives me a better picture and understanding of some of the environment that helped create who they are today both good and bad. Talia's childhood house is no more. According to the map I've looked at, it was in the zone the fire consumed. This was it. I have been to all the places in recent years, that the fires have been. I know one of my favorite Airbnb houses is gone that I stayed at in Malibu, and so many more places HWY 1, etc.. But I also have two more personal connections to the fire. One is my friend Carmen Bradford who lived in Altadena and her Father was still living there, his house is now gone. Also, my friend John Clayton lives in Altadena and his house is now gone. In so many tragedies, however, if their is any silver lining it is that most the time it brings out the best in people to help out and not be selfish, although you have the other side of the coin also present in this. Here are two go fund me pages for both of these people, if you are so moved to give. Thank You!
8 Comments
Michelle Lajza
1/17/2025 10:06:36 am
Max,
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Max Colley III
1/27/2025 07:15:25 pm
Thank you Michelle! So thankful for you and Tim and that God let us meet in Israel! Love and Blessings to you both!
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Sandy Billingsley
1/18/2025 05:19:49 am
You sure packed a lot of memories into those 5 years. Hugs to you, and prayers for your future. I'm thankful my son was not affected by the fires and that they will be moving back this spring. Can't wait to catch up again some time .
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Max Colley III
1/27/2025 07:16:52 pm
Sure did! Thank you, and you know how much I love you and Dale! Glad to hear your son was safe! Yes, can't wait to catch up soon! Much love!
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Jody Lang Smith
1/18/2025 06:33:21 am
Oh Max, this is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. And I have to laugh!!! "Talia was loosing her hair... For me obviously it didn't matter at all. Happened to me a long time ago!"
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Max Colley III
1/27/2025 07:18:41 pm
Thanks my friend! Yup, had to find some humor in all this! LOL Trust you are well! Much love!
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Rebecca
1/19/2025 07:22:47 am
So beautifully stated. May God overflow you with his peace and blessings during this next season of life.
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Max Colley III
1/27/2025 07:19:35 pm
Thank you so much Rebecca! Appreciate it! Love and Blessings to you!
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