Recap and thank you!

One of the bi-polar aspects of what I went through with Talia and recently my Dad, is on one side you have such sorrow from your loss, but on the other side you have such overwhelming support and love it really has your emotions quite torn! 

When Talia transitioned to Heaven, number one, like yesterday's post, hundreds of people reached out and let me know whatever I needed I had and they were there for me. That transpired in many ways including financial to where I went to pay for Talia's hospice stay and I was told, " You are a loved person! It's all taken care of and anonymous people have covered the bill" I did not, do not, and will most likely not ever receive very well, and despite my efforts and begging to let me know, they stood their ground and did not reveal. The little I know is it was a bunch of people. It's super humbling to receive and I always want to be on the giving side of the equation but I guess it reflects God's grace and gift of His son to us. We can't earn it! God is love ! That is why I start each day with communion, something I learned from Beni Johnson, who coincidentally passed about a month after Talia. I never want to forget the price that was paid for me!

In my previous post, I'm actually doing pretty good with my emotions and heart with the loss of Talia and Dad. (some other things, still working out with the heart) . God has shown me so much through these losses and is continuing with his refining fire on my heart which have included many tests even in the last 12 and 2 hours! 

So I started yesterday with picking up my car that had some work done, then had breakfast with my dear brother Mike Hamann. Mike, Tonya, and Mike's Mom have shown me so much love, I will feel guilty the rest of my life! Just amazing people in my life. I then went home for a bit, and then was invited out by Keith to join the staff for dinner which was also so kind. I had amazing fellowship and felt so encouraged. 

Recently I have discovered walking in my hood and have liked it because I don't have to drive somewhere first. (one sad note, my neighbor passed away 2 days ago). Anyways, I love to take my God walks while looking at His creation and with the Lake right there, it's pretty fun and I've been enjoying the summer flowers that are finally blooming everywhere! So I decided on this 9 year anniversary to just kind of process the day, thanking God for Talia and the short time we had together, taking in the lake and sunset and flowers and thanking God for making me the most loved person on the planet for some reason. I did look at every single like, love, care, and comment on Facebook. Thank you so much everyone! Meant the world to me! 

So after sitting at the lake for a minute, I start walking home. Then this is where the evil one derailed me for a minute. A car pulls up and stops on the opposite side of the road and yells out the window to me, why are you taking pictures of my house? I was like I have no idea where you live, I have not taken any pictures of any houses. He says, my buddy just called me and said you were taking pictures of my house. Now the only thing I can think of at this point is I took a picture of a street sign to send to a person that had significance to a conversation we had at dinner. I should also mention that he is recording me on his phone this whole time which I think was the thing that made me most angry. I was both mad and sad at the same time. I could see he wasn't going to let up and his wife was in the passenger seat also. I said I don't need to do this but I'm not going to go over and get myself killed and stand in the middle of the street but I'll show you my pictures on my phone, so he gets out, comes over and goes through the pictures. I told him I was taking pictures of the lake, sunset, and flowers, and the street sign, and that is what he found. He says, you can't be too safe these days and said to have a good day, and I walked away shaking my head. 

there is a million things I wish I would have said in hindsight but I felt violated for whatever reason. To say the least, I will not be walking anymore in my hood and also won't be going to shoot hoops at the little basketball court I found which I was looking forward to. It's just a little warm to do that past couple of days. 

With what I'm learning now, I wish I would have prayed with him. I think it would have helped him as much as it would have me. I was just trying to have time with God thanking Him for Talia and taking in His beautiful creation. What I have to realize is no matter what happened in that moment and how he treated me, he is actually God's beautiful creation too. God recently has already shown me how to see people through his eyes. I did end up praying for him the rest of the way home, but was still a bit emotional to do me any good. So I'm still learning! 

Anyways, I thought to combat the negativeness of the ending of the day I would post a couple of random videos I love. The first one of these two kids at the piano. Such an absolute obvious example of the joy of music. The second one, in as many times as I have watched this video, I have never made it through without crying! Just so inspiring and if I was ever blessed to be a dad, this is exactly how I would want to be. Man, and her reactions after. Absolutely melts my heart! Such a picture of how God is with all of us! 

Y'all I love ya. Thank you for the comments. I post not for likes and attention. I actually hate the attention. I do it to honor Talia who was so special. Sometimes I think an angel. Heck, she married me! LOL Thank you from the bottom of my heart!