10 Months Today

A year is creeping up quickly. There isn't a moment I don't miss her. I actually think I love her better now which is unfortunate. She is so much a part of me. The lessons I should have learned that she was trying to teach me, I'm now learning. So many mannerisms I do I can see I got from her. I always knew what I had. I had an incredible wife, but it's all been enhanced since she passed. Her sweetness has gotten even sweeter, her beauty has gotten even more beautiful. I'm able to go back and watch movies and look at pictures and think about different things and enjoy the memories now. It's always a double edged sword, fun to reminisce but then sad with the loss and emptiness. I have been working and planning for a tribute CD to her and it's fallen in what I just discussed. It has been enjoyable to go back and try and figure out how to do some of these songs she liked but also hard going through some of them. The hardest pictures and videos to live with are from the end. There were glimpses of herself but then definate effects of the cancer crop in and that still is pretty sad for me. Just feel so bad she had to go through that. She did it with such grace. It is probably when her sweetness was most on display. I have gone back and done a few things just for old times sake. We drove to Grand Rapids for her chemo treatments every Wednesday, and on the way back we would normally get Korean chicken and then stop and get spree. So on the way home this week, I stopped to get some spree in her honor. God is getting me through. I have more days without crying then with so that's a bonus. I'm growing stronger Spiritually or I should say closer with God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit and that's good. But then I just have moments like putting the food away after dinner or other things we did as a team that I just break down. It's the little things. More and more I can say it was better to have loved and lost then to have never loved before. Honored and so thankful I was able to call her my wife for just shy of 5 years. Thank you Lord!