Where to begin? I'm going to keep this one pretty general and not too personal. I'll be more transparent in the next one when I have a little more time to write. Besides God , family, and friends, the following have been helpful to shape my thinking. I feel my mind is in a pretty good place for the most part, the heart is still pretty broken. However, I'm thinking a lot about the future, and goals, and so I'm making good headway in that area. Ok, enough, I'm excited to share some of these resources that have been so encouraging to me.
I consider Bill Johnson my Pastor. Unfortunately he now knows all too well what I have been dealing with the past month as his wife passed this week. His comments here were super helpful to me. He actually spoke today and it was emotional. Here are some of his notes. Some may not make sense out of context:
Notes: 3 days after Beni passed Bill preached this: (from Kris Vallotton)
-The backslider in heart will always judge God by what He didn’t do!
-Answers wouldn’t fix the problem, only His presence will.
-Heaven is HIM!
Mark 16:9-11 Now after He had risen early on the first day of the week, He first appeared to Mary Magdalene, from whom He had cast out seven demons. She went and reported to those who had been with Him, while they were mourning and weeping. When they heard that He was alive and had been seen by her, they refused to believe it.
-Mourning kept them from believing.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
-Mourning can lead you to comfort or it can lead you to unbelief.
-The inability to live with mystery keeps us from childlessness.
-Hope is the joyful anticipation of good.
-If I praise Him without surrender then I am just making a business deal- I will do this for you and you do this for me.
-I don’t ever want to be the one who critiques God; He critiques me.
-My friendship with God can only go as far as the depth of His Lordship in my life.
-His gives us peace beyond our understanding therefore I have to give up the right to understand so I can get the peace He wants to provide for me!
-Worshiping in pain is only possible on this side of heaven so this is a privilege.
Hebrews 12:1-2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
-We must live in holiness and endurance.
-Every loss is a seed that can bring life and blessings!
-God bring beauty out of ashes.
And again, someone that knows, as Dr. Tony Evans lost his wife. In both of these cases, They were wholeheartedly believing for healing! That was a big worry of mine, but these have really helped shape me.
One of the great blessings of my life is my 3rd grade teacher! She made such an impact on so many. It's such an honor to still have a beautiful relationship with her and her husband. She sent me this. There is no way I could have appreciated this book without the pain I've been through. His brutal honesty was very encouraging to me!
I had dinner with two old friends on Friday, that we all shared unfortunately the situation that we had all lost our wives. It's this club that we never wanted to belong to. There was, however, a sense of bonding that unless you have specifically lost a spouse, you can't understand. I have had a lot of loss in my life, students, co-workers, a parent, mentors, musicians, etc.... but this is on another level. So, my one friend gave me this and I'm looking forward to its daily thoughts.
Max Colley III
Spirit Filled Jazz Musician